i dream of a world without you

There was a man named Lammity who spent time in the army, see
his postings to far distant lands played into Lammo's wicked hands.
He spent a little time in Guam and did
The most OUTRAGEOUS harm
to our relations with the French, he hid
Their diplomat's best hat inside the ceremonial shed
And cried out loud "that golden hutch"
(That all are forbidden to touch)
"contains the trilby; velvet, red,
of French Ambassador Jean Noir, abandoned
in the throes of passion (and in the most EGREGIOUS fashion)
as he made love unto his car."

Lammity caused quite a stir, a small fracas; in French a "guerre"
But ultimately it was found, there was no truth in that rogue's words and
if his lies were for the birds then prison was the only place,
but Lammo ran (as run one might) all fleet of foot,
he could not face incarceration in a gaol; he fled by night. But
bullets cut him down, that fugitive run had to fail, he put a foot wrong thus, you see, (1929-63)

Tibbton Skivs, (1983-) is a secretive soul. Much of his past is cloaked in the sludge of time. He can however often been found lurking outside the worlds least popular museums.

Several of these sightings have been outside 'The Hall of Oars', where he would interrogate visitors, covering all aspects of their lives. Please be aware, his questions always lead to what extent you will sponsor his lifestyle.

Other targeted areas include:

The Decorative Plate Foundation
The Royal Hall of Oars,
The North Wales Gallery of Scared Cats,
The Lost Glove Emporium (only on Tuesdays),
Sir Craigson Dirv's Filthy Aquarium,

If encountered mention 'apple pudding' and he should leave you be.

But for his one, heinous crime, Portus Gwent (1940-) might be considered an insignificant footnote to human history. An adequate father to Pam and Jimmy, a casual but occasionally inspired lover to wife Elaine, Gwent was a jobbing builder in the Wootton Bassett area.

For all his cheerful mediocrity, Portus Gwent ultimately did more damage to polite society than any "reality TV show" or "stand-up comedienne" ever could. As an apprentice in 1957, reaching for a piece of dowelling just beyond his grasp, he exceeded the safe "angle of lean" and exposed the upper cleft of his buttocks to housewife Minnie Tinsley. He had invented the clativecius IV or, as it is sometimes known, "builder's bum"

From the earliest days of the guilds, the gluteus maximus of a tradesman had been held under wraps by a mixture of fear and good practice. But following Gwent's initial unveiling of this sacred zone, the floodgates opened. By 1964, few maiden aunts were ignorant of the form and pallor of the inter-buttock crevice. Britain had lost its innocence, the Beatles were on the charts, and nothing would ever be the same again.

Denny Tempest (1974 - Present) worked for a time at the Lord Darlingville Museum of Arctic Curiosities in Taunton, UK. His role was primarily as till clerk in the gift shop, selling 'Icy Explorer' lollies and penguin pencil sharpeners to groups of recently educated school children.

T. Presper Mauchly (1943-1989) achieved notoriety for creating and producing the quiz show 'GET IT RIGHT' where members of the public were threatened with physical pain if they answered questions incorrectly.

During the shows three year run Mauchly would often provoke the contestants, by claiming that he knew the answers. He would repeat these claims over and over again, many of the contestants would choose physical pain over his unrelenting psychological barrage.

When interviewed about 'GET IT RIGHT' Mauchly would reply with only two words 'brown trapples'. Historian Dr Teddy Hamper believed this may have been a reference to Moses, whose catchphraise 'grey trapples' won the hearts of the Egyptians way back in 1638.

In November 1989 Mauchly paddled his dory boat into the pacific ocean, in a letter discovered three months later he claimed to be "searching for a dream".

Local mythology supposes that Mauchly was soon eaten by the giant octopus, Graham Johnson

Googie Müller (real name Lesley Müller) was a leading light in the "Polyester Folk" movement of the mid-1970s. His lunchtime TV show ("Play Today the Googie Way" - Tyne Tees Television 1974-76) was watched by audiences of up to 134 people on a daily basis. His love of man-made fabrics was ultimately his downfall when during a frenetic strumming section in "Froggie Went A-Courtin'" his signature polyester knitwear combusted. Within one verse he'd managed to destroy his rollneck sweater, beard, two thirds of the set and the rest of his career.