Dirk Clover

Dirk Clover (1954-2007) was a renowned Thespian. You will no doubt recognise him from his various televisual features. He was the inventor of the 'Chowder' style of acting, a technique he developed in the early 80's whereby the actor pretends he has no idea where he is or what is going on. While Chowder was a big hit with acting students, directors despised it. In 1991 'Yoghurt School' director Telly Franklin stated "Clover has no idea what he's doing. He's a fool, I don't think he's an actor at all".

Distraught by Franklin's claims, Clover left acting and opened a small cafe in North West Hollywood. He accidentally poisoned over 5 people, to death.

Anton Cavourrine

Anton Cavourrine (1863 - 1958) was elected mayor of Beaumaris, North Wales following a hugely unlikely set of circumstances. Born in Saint-Germain-De-Montbron to a railway worker and a part time fortune teller, he made a name for himself in his teenage years drawing caricatures of dignitaries in surrounding towns and villages. His drawings gained him a level of celebrity in France that allowed him free entry to nightclubs and theatres the length of the country. His fame reached as far as the small town of Beaumaris in North Wales. The townsfolk, smitten by his artwork, decided to offer Cavourrine the position of Mayor in a letter sent in 1911. Cavourrine, whose English was poor at best, assumed that it was a marriage proposal from a woman named 'Beautiful Marie'.

His arrival in North Wales and subsequent installation as Mayor was marred not only by his refusal to learn Welsh, or his refusal to draw any further caricatures but also his violent moodswings after he learned that Beaumaris was not a beautiful woman, but actually meant 'Beautiful Husbands'. Each subsequent day of his time in office was spent shooting at seagulls and tourists from the mayoral office window with a Winchester rifle.

Ian Jackweth

Ian Jackweth (1971-2008) was a familiar sight to shoppers young and old in Keighley, West Yorkshire. Usually accompanied by his father Bob on Jew's harp, Ian's high, clear alto voice could be heard up and down Cavendish Street on weekday mornings.

Though clearly a gifted singer, Jackweth confined himself to just one song, a self-composed 18-minute opus entitled "Finger Of Mine". This song would be performed over and over again until its author was satisfied with his performance.

Ian gained some notoriety when he entered "A Song For Europe" in 1993. He finished last in the public vote eventually won by "Love City Groove". It proved to be his only foray into competitive singing.

Jackweth died aged just 36 when his heart exploded during an attempt to rip a 100-year old oak tree out of the ground. He is survived by his father.

Pendle Caisson

Pendle Caisson (1967 - Present) was a chef and porter at 'Chez Yum-Yums', a hotel and restaurant that catered for a particularly undiscerning cross-section of society. His hygiene was questionable, his manners terrible and his facial hair was never kept trim and tidy. He was stripped of his October 2004 'Employee of the Month' certificate after putting someone's dog in a big bag and charging children £1 to put their hand in and pretend they were in Flash Gordon.

Powered by Blogger